BEHIND THE BARRIERS

By Shirley Wiggins

Just like the majestic cedars in my back yard, barriers in a relationship can grow up so high and in between so thick that seeing what is behind them becomes impossible without making the conscious effort to do so.

We planted the cedars when they were only waist-high and with plenty of space left between them for growth.  We could see between them and over them.  That is no longer possible as they are now around 25 feet high and so tightly grown together that only tiny gaps in the undergrowth allow for the slightest glimpse at the grass on the ground behind them.

To see what’s behind them now requires one of two things.  Either take a walk around them which will put us on someone else’s property, or a drive-by in the car on the street behind us to catch a fleeting glimpse as we drive slowly by the property behind us.

My husband reflected on how fast it seems they’ve grown so high and that only last year we could still see over their tops to the rooftops of the houses on the street behind us. Now they provide a barrier that keeps out sound and sight.

Barriers between people can grow like that – imperceptibly:  “extremely slight, gradual, or subtle.”  Imperceptible differences in relationship can seep in:  “not perceptible by a sense or by the mind - <a slight difference in hue between the two glasses that’s imperceptible unless they’re placed side by side.>”

Unless one symbolically places in our memories side-by-side what a relationship used to be and compare it with what it is at the moment, we may not realize a shift has taken place.

Some people will, perhaps, never notice the difference in their relationships at all.  Some will only notice when the relationship has grown so strained and uncomfortable it seems not worth the effort to stay in contact with the other person.

Some people, however, will take notice before the barrier has grown so tall and thick, but will spend so much time and effort analyzing the possible reasons for the “Why?” behind the troubling change,  that they never take the walk around to the other side to see for themselves what’s taking place behind the barrier. 

Perhaps they prefer not to intrude, not to go into the other person’s ‘space,’ their own personal, private property.

Others will possibly get out the car and drive slowly past the backside of the barrier, hungry just for a look at the loved one’s private property, grieving over the lost connection with absolutely no idea of how to get close enough to regain the full fellowship.

Years can go by and the desired invitation to come in and fellowship together may never come.  Year after year, the longed-for invitation never comes, and year by year, the barrier grows higher and thicker and harder to penetrate.

We have a new Lantana plant growing in my favorite pot on our patio.  This year, same as last year, the beautiful pot has been placed carefully in the center of a decorative wrought-iron garden stake in the ground at the edge of the patio.

Recently, I sat outside early one morning, sipping hot coffee, and enjoying the beautiful sights and sounds of nature.  I happened to notice that the Lantana pot was off-center.  When I asked my husband if he had perhaps moved the stake while edging the lawn, he assured me he had not moved it.  After he walked down to the patio to take a look, he said the pot was actually still in its place and not off-center at all.  I just happened to be looking at it from an angle that made it look off-center.

When we try to assess relationships, with or without barriers, our “angle” must be precise.  An “angle” is defined in the dictionary as “the precise viewpoint from which something is observed or considered.  The thesaurus says “angle” is “a certain way in which something appears or may be regarded.”

The way we look at or think about aspects of our relationships with other people can color the way we see the situation and the person, if our angle isn’t centered – anchored – in prayer.

Our emotions can cause the “hue” of our view to be altered based on our feelings and not necessarily the facts.  We know that ‘barriers’ are simply something that obstructs, “something immaterial that impedes or separates…”

The sooner we sense a barrier in any relationship and act to learn more about it, the easier it may be to prevent a chasm that can separate loved ones.

Misunderstandings can grow into barriers.  If we ignore them, or pretend they don’t matter, sometimes they can grow as imperceptibly as the 25-foot cedars until the relationship is so strained, we might be tempted to let it die rather than nurture it by doing the hard and uncomfortable and inconvenient things that will cause it to bloom again into the beautiful part of life that God intended from the beginning.

God designed families and there are no other relationships more important on this earth.  The only relationship that should take precedence over family is that of one’s own personal relationship with God the Creator who also desires to be God, our Father.

He designed salvation to be the Way back into His own family, after sin erected its barrier between God and people.  God sent His beloved Son, Jesus Christ, into the world to rescue people and restore us to full fellowship with Him, to tear down the barrier of sin that separates people from the God who created them for that uninterrupted fellowship with Himself.¹

He is the Source we turn to first when we realize that barriers have come up between ourselves and our loved ones, allowing disunity to come between us and another person.  We rely upon the Comforter, Counselor, and Friend that God left on earth after Jesus’ ascension back into heaven:  His Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit then guides us and guards us as we prayerfully seek reconciliation with alienated loved ones.  We never give up on relationship with others because God never gives up on relationship with us.

Family matters to God because He designed family.  (Genesis 1:26-28; 2:20-24.)    

God desires to be Father to every person.  We love Him only because He first loved us. 

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.  He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.  In this the love of God is manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.”  1 John 4:7-11

“Jesus said …, ‘You shall love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’  On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”  Matthew 22:37-40 (NKJV).

God desires unity in His family of believers, and also in our human family relationships.  We never give up on Love! 

May we all be blessed with the unity of love in our hearts and in our families. 

 

 

 

 

¹For adoption into God’s Family, you must first have a relationship with Christ. 

John 3:16 says:“God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever

            believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord of your life, I encourage you to pray a simple prayer confessing your sin and asking Jesus to cleanse you of that sin. As you repent and turn from your sin to Christ, and “confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved”. (Romans 10:9) If you have just prayed to receive Christ, tell someone!